Monday, August 16, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
life's effing amazing NOT
Right now the most horrible things in life you can think could happen are happening. I have been getting traffic tickets for various things such as speeding and following too closely. Oh, MY! I should just be locked up and they should throw away the key. REALLY? I am so tired of stupid laws and everything. With tickets and whatever I am unable to save any money what so ever...so awesome. I know. Today as I was driving to work in the early morning my car just decided that it was done with me for good and broke down and flipping out. I am pretty sure the transmission went out. Another wonderful thing to happen to me. On top of all the other things I need to figure out and pay for.
Thankfully my friend Danika is letting me borrow her VW Passat until she sales it. Thank you so much dear! I am just so overwhelmed right now with life and contemplated ending it all this morning. How easy it could have been just leap out in front of a semi-truck and have my life easily taken away. But life is so much more worth living even though I kind of don't see a reason for my life. I just work all the time and do nothing. I am so exhausted and am ready for a good long break and just some relaxation!
I need a break from life...but with this car problem...it is just the beginning to a long journey of getting back on my feet. UGH. I just want to be able to have things be okay and I don't have to stress and worry about money! I need a miracle.
Thankfully my friend Danika is letting me borrow her VW Passat until she sales it. Thank you so much dear! I am just so overwhelmed right now with life and contemplated ending it all this morning. How easy it could have been just leap out in front of a semi-truck and have my life easily taken away. But life is so much more worth living even though I kind of don't see a reason for my life. I just work all the time and do nothing. I am so exhausted and am ready for a good long break and just some relaxation!
I need a break from life...but with this car problem...it is just the beginning to a long journey of getting back on my feet. UGH. I just want to be able to have things be okay and I don't have to stress and worry about money! I need a miracle.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
EXPLAINATION
I once use to write and write and write. I just feel like I have nothing to write about. I lose motivation to write. I get easily distracted and lose my drive to write and to capture my memory and share it with you all. I see all the fun stories in my mind and laugh. Why can't I just copy and paste it and make it easier? I feel like I have ADHD. I really can't get focused.
I want to be writing...UGH!!
I want to be writing...UGH!!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
A little autobio...
With every great auto biography there is a beginning...we shall start when my Mom first knew of my existence...
It was October 26, 1988...my Mom was at the doctor's office for an appointment believing she was having a miscarriage. She didn't know what was in store for her. The doctor's wanted to be sure that she had had a miscarriage so they performed an ultrasound. As they were performing it they found an heart beat, a second heart beat, and then a third one. At that moment my mom was told she was expecting three babies. What a shock she must have had. Being told she could never have children to being pregnant with three babies. She hadn't even been trying...no fertility drugs...nothing. Just God giving her the gift of three babies.
In the next few months her life would change forever. She would travel from the town of Milton-Freewater that she lived in to Portland, Oregon to see a doctor who specialized in high risk pregnancies at OHSU (Oregon Health Sciences and University). She was told she would need to be coming to stay in Portland in Early January until she was to deliver her babies. She stayed at the Ronald McDonald House which was a few blocks from the hospital. It's a place where people who need a place to live while having treatment at the hosptials near there can stay free.
As she stayed at the Ronald McDonald House she encountered several families that touched her life. One family had a teenage son who had cancer and who was not expected to live long and another family that was there because their baby was born premature and many other families that were going through heart ache and illnesses.
March 8, 1988 my mom turned 32. Eight days later on March 16, 1989 she delivered her three babies by C-Section. The first one was born at 5:27PM weighing 2lbs and 10 ounces a boy named Tracy. The second was born at 5:28PM weighing 2lbs and 8 ounces a boy named Timothy and the third baby at 5:32PM weighing 3lbs and 15 ounces a boy named Tyghe (Ty). She wasn't able to see them right after since they were 2 months premature. She was told not to expect any of us to make it. Later that night is when she'd be able to see us for the first time. But before she would she'd be in recovery and have almost died. On that same night unbeknown to her; her dad would have had surgery for cancer that he was fighting and had almost died that night.
Thank the Lord my mom didn't die that night and either did her dad; my grandpa! My brothers and I would stay in the hospital until the end of April. Tyghe was the first one out. So my dad and him went to Umatilla to find us a home. A few days later Tracy and I would get out of the hospital and we'd go home with our Mom. My dad's mom and step dad would drive my mom and us home.
My dad would find a job working graveyard and leave my mom home all alone to look after these three brand new babies. Us babies would grow and learn to walk and go potty in the big boy potty and learn to talk. In the mists of all of this my Mom's dad would pass away August 8, 1990. I think back to wondering what kind of person I would have been if he had lived. Where would I be? What kind of person would of he helped me become? But I do know that I am the person I am because of the way things happened...the small things and of course the big things...November 6th, 1990 my mom would give birth to another boy named Zachary. She'd bring him home and our lives would be changed forever. A new brother...someone to pick on and love of course being only 1 I didn't know how amazing of a brother I had gotten!
In March of 1991, Tracy, Tyghe and I would celebrate our 2nd birthday. In November of the same year Zachary would celebrate his 1st birthday. We'd grow and learn so much and begin to make memories and start to develop into the cute little guys we were.
June 20th, 1992, my mom would give birth to her final child to complete our family, a girl named Jesseca. A princess. A splendid addition to our family. The day after my sister's 1st birthday, Father's Day our father would leave our family for another woman and for drugs. I didn't understand why daddy was leaving and what we did. But now I understand completely what happened. I just don't know how someone could walk out on 5 children. My mom would have to get some help to pay bills and take care of us. She swallowed her pride and did what was best for our family I made sure we had food and a place to live and a warm bed to sleep in. She gave her life away to raise us. For that I am grateful and honored to have such an amazing mom. I know without her I would not be half or even all the person I am. Thank you Mom!
I would turn 5 and be able to attend Kindergarten. I would learn how to read and write. I loved learning! After my sixth birthday we would move from Umatilla, Oregon to South Beach, Oregon...just outside of Newport. My mom had a job Chinook Winds a casino. Shortly after moving there I would accept Jesus Christ as my Savior. We would live there until Christmas. We then moved to Lincoln City to where her job was. We lived only 8 months in each place. In the summer of 1995 we were to move to Idaho to be near my Mom's younger brother Tim. But once we got there things didn't turn out. So we went back to Northeastern Oregon to a town called Hermiston. My mom got a job with the State of Oregon. I would start 2nd grade at Sunset Elementary. Two weeks into school we would move to a different house and I'd transfer to Highland Hills Elementary. I would attend school there until I was in sixth grade. I then attended school at Armand Larvie Middle School...supposedly that school was built on the old city dump. Not sure if it was true, but it sure seemed like it.
We would then move to Milton-Freewater, Oregon in July of 2001; shortly after my mom would be laid off from her job. I would attend my seventh and eighth grade years at Central Middle School. I would get to know so of my mom's family and friend's of my family well. My mom got diagnosed with type two diabetes a little after moving there. But she got medication and got it under control. But Jesseca my baby sister was sick and my mom took her to the doctor. Thinking it was the flu, we didn't think much of it. In recent years my Uncle Tim moved to Utah with his family and had told my mom several times that she should just move there. When the doctors told my mom that Jesse had Scleroderma; a diease that makes all the tissue in the body harden and eventually you die. No cure for it. My mom made the decision to move to Utah to be near her younger brother. The only family that she really had. Her other two brothers and their families didn't have anything to do with us.
A month after my mom found out about my sister we were moving to Southern Utah to a town called Hurricane. There I would complete my last eight weeks of my eighth grade year. That summer we would go to Salt Lake City to the University of Utah to see specialists for this diease my sister was diagnosed with. The trip there was one of sadness and just unsure what to expect. My dad's mom and his step dad would meet us at the hospital to be there for us when we would find out what to expect. The doctor's looked over my sister and did blood work and x-rays. They discovered she was misdiagnosed with Scleroderma, but she really had JRA Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. They gave her medicine and taught her exercises on what to do to improve her arthritis. I would start high school at Hurricane High School and would learn so much and meet so many people. My freshmen year went by so fast.
A month before school ended our family decided that we didn't want to be in Utah anymore. We decided to move back to Oregon. We were to move to Coos Bay...a coastal town. But once we got there things fell threw and we ended up homeless for the summer trying to find a place to live. We stayed countless times at so many places. September 2004 we would find a place in Stayton, Oregon. I would start my sophomore year of high school at Stayton High School. I met new friends and began my life. I would meet a girl named Alicen who has been my friend until now...I met Rebekah and through her I met my best friend Morissa!
In March 2005, my Aunt Dawn passed away and it was the first person I actually knew really well and loved that died. I felt so weird and then there was my cousin Tawni who passed away in November 2005 and then in August 2007 a close friend of our family's passed away. Her name was Mary. May she rest in peace. July of 2006 I got a job at Papa Murphy's. In June of 2007 I graduated high school. September of 2007 I stared college at Chemeketa Community College. Two weeks in I decided it wasn't for me.
The day before Halloween I flew to Massachusestts to visit my best friend Morissa. While I was out there I figured out a lot about myself...more to come...
It was October 26, 1988...my Mom was at the doctor's office for an appointment believing she was having a miscarriage. She didn't know what was in store for her. The doctor's wanted to be sure that she had had a miscarriage so they performed an ultrasound. As they were performing it they found an heart beat, a second heart beat, and then a third one. At that moment my mom was told she was expecting three babies. What a shock she must have had. Being told she could never have children to being pregnant with three babies. She hadn't even been trying...no fertility drugs...nothing. Just God giving her the gift of three babies.
In the next few months her life would change forever. She would travel from the town of Milton-Freewater that she lived in to Portland, Oregon to see a doctor who specialized in high risk pregnancies at OHSU (Oregon Health Sciences and University). She was told she would need to be coming to stay in Portland in Early January until she was to deliver her babies. She stayed at the Ronald McDonald House which was a few blocks from the hospital. It's a place where people who need a place to live while having treatment at the hosptials near there can stay free.
As she stayed at the Ronald McDonald House she encountered several families that touched her life. One family had a teenage son who had cancer and who was not expected to live long and another family that was there because their baby was born premature and many other families that were going through heart ache and illnesses.
March 8, 1988 my mom turned 32. Eight days later on March 16, 1989 she delivered her three babies by C-Section. The first one was born at 5:27PM weighing 2lbs and 10 ounces a boy named Tracy. The second was born at 5:28PM weighing 2lbs and 8 ounces a boy named Timothy and the third baby at 5:32PM weighing 3lbs and 15 ounces a boy named Tyghe (Ty). She wasn't able to see them right after since they were 2 months premature. She was told not to expect any of us to make it. Later that night is when she'd be able to see us for the first time. But before she would she'd be in recovery and have almost died. On that same night unbeknown to her; her dad would have had surgery for cancer that he was fighting and had almost died that night.
Thank the Lord my mom didn't die that night and either did her dad; my grandpa! My brothers and I would stay in the hospital until the end of April. Tyghe was the first one out. So my dad and him went to Umatilla to find us a home. A few days later Tracy and I would get out of the hospital and we'd go home with our Mom. My dad's mom and step dad would drive my mom and us home.
My dad would find a job working graveyard and leave my mom home all alone to look after these three brand new babies. Us babies would grow and learn to walk and go potty in the big boy potty and learn to talk. In the mists of all of this my Mom's dad would pass away August 8, 1990. I think back to wondering what kind of person I would have been if he had lived. Where would I be? What kind of person would of he helped me become? But I do know that I am the person I am because of the way things happened...the small things and of course the big things...November 6th, 1990 my mom would give birth to another boy named Zachary. She'd bring him home and our lives would be changed forever. A new brother...someone to pick on and love of course being only 1 I didn't know how amazing of a brother I had gotten!
In March of 1991, Tracy, Tyghe and I would celebrate our 2nd birthday. In November of the same year Zachary would celebrate his 1st birthday. We'd grow and learn so much and begin to make memories and start to develop into the cute little guys we were.
June 20th, 1992, my mom would give birth to her final child to complete our family, a girl named Jesseca. A princess. A splendid addition to our family. The day after my sister's 1st birthday, Father's Day our father would leave our family for another woman and for drugs. I didn't understand why daddy was leaving and what we did. But now I understand completely what happened. I just don't know how someone could walk out on 5 children. My mom would have to get some help to pay bills and take care of us. She swallowed her pride and did what was best for our family I made sure we had food and a place to live and a warm bed to sleep in. She gave her life away to raise us. For that I am grateful and honored to have such an amazing mom. I know without her I would not be half or even all the person I am. Thank you Mom!
I would turn 5 and be able to attend Kindergarten. I would learn how to read and write. I loved learning! After my sixth birthday we would move from Umatilla, Oregon to South Beach, Oregon...just outside of Newport. My mom had a job Chinook Winds a casino. Shortly after moving there I would accept Jesus Christ as my Savior. We would live there until Christmas. We then moved to Lincoln City to where her job was. We lived only 8 months in each place. In the summer of 1995 we were to move to Idaho to be near my Mom's younger brother Tim. But once we got there things didn't turn out. So we went back to Northeastern Oregon to a town called Hermiston. My mom got a job with the State of Oregon. I would start 2nd grade at Sunset Elementary. Two weeks into school we would move to a different house and I'd transfer to Highland Hills Elementary. I would attend school there until I was in sixth grade. I then attended school at Armand Larvie Middle School...supposedly that school was built on the old city dump. Not sure if it was true, but it sure seemed like it.
We would then move to Milton-Freewater, Oregon in July of 2001; shortly after my mom would be laid off from her job. I would attend my seventh and eighth grade years at Central Middle School. I would get to know so of my mom's family and friend's of my family well. My mom got diagnosed with type two diabetes a little after moving there. But she got medication and got it under control. But Jesseca my baby sister was sick and my mom took her to the doctor. Thinking it was the flu, we didn't think much of it. In recent years my Uncle Tim moved to Utah with his family and had told my mom several times that she should just move there. When the doctors told my mom that Jesse had Scleroderma; a diease that makes all the tissue in the body harden and eventually you die. No cure for it. My mom made the decision to move to Utah to be near her younger brother. The only family that she really had. Her other two brothers and their families didn't have anything to do with us.
A month after my mom found out about my sister we were moving to Southern Utah to a town called Hurricane. There I would complete my last eight weeks of my eighth grade year. That summer we would go to Salt Lake City to the University of Utah to see specialists for this diease my sister was diagnosed with. The trip there was one of sadness and just unsure what to expect. My dad's mom and his step dad would meet us at the hospital to be there for us when we would find out what to expect. The doctor's looked over my sister and did blood work and x-rays. They discovered she was misdiagnosed with Scleroderma, but she really had JRA Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. They gave her medicine and taught her exercises on what to do to improve her arthritis. I would start high school at Hurricane High School and would learn so much and meet so many people. My freshmen year went by so fast.
A month before school ended our family decided that we didn't want to be in Utah anymore. We decided to move back to Oregon. We were to move to Coos Bay...a coastal town. But once we got there things fell threw and we ended up homeless for the summer trying to find a place to live. We stayed countless times at so many places. September 2004 we would find a place in Stayton, Oregon. I would start my sophomore year of high school at Stayton High School. I met new friends and began my life. I would meet a girl named Alicen who has been my friend until now...I met Rebekah and through her I met my best friend Morissa!
In March 2005, my Aunt Dawn passed away and it was the first person I actually knew really well and loved that died. I felt so weird and then there was my cousin Tawni who passed away in November 2005 and then in August 2007 a close friend of our family's passed away. Her name was Mary. May she rest in peace. July of 2006 I got a job at Papa Murphy's. In June of 2007 I graduated high school. September of 2007 I stared college at Chemeketa Community College. Two weeks in I decided it wasn't for me.
The day before Halloween I flew to Massachusestts to visit my best friend Morissa. While I was out there I figured out a lot about myself...more to come...
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